i think my mom watched the whole time
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
