I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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