Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
