So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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