you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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