with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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