We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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