dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
