She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
