and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Randomize
