Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
