Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
