I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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