C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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