theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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