tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
