; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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