i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
