U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
