Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
