dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
