that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
