i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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