is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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