tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
PANTIES FOUND
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