so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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