They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize