Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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