Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
