I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
