Duck Duck Cougar?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
