Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
