that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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