i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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