She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
