omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
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What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
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She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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