Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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