I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
