she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
