Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
