there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It's shark week go big or go home
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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