I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
