I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
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You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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