And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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