I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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