My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
