i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
