New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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