I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Come share oat with me in your robe
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
