can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
