Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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