i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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