Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize