She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
