She said her name was "party"
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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