she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
