Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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