yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
