I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
